http://scw.tearn.com/2010/02/millikin-school-raises-money-for.html

Ella, again, did an amazing job even though she is not here.
Kaitlyn helped her school to raise funds for Pathway Hospice,
where Ella received medical service till the very last day.
It’s heart wrenching to see her face on newspapers yet
she is such an inspiring story for all of us.

With Kaitlyn and her school council,
Millikin Elementary school raised $1,135.27 for Pathway Hospice Kids in honor of Ella.

I received  an email (see the below) from Genie Dee regarding San Jose Mercury Wish Book. Through Ella’s story, Pathway Hospice Kids Program
raised $10,000. Great job Ella and Thank you!

Hi Christy and Mary,

I thought you would like to know we received a check yesterday from the Mercury News Wish Book for $10,000 for the KIDS Program.
This signifies to me that there was a lot of interest in Ella’s story, which was not a surprise.

It is also significant to me that Millikin raised about 11% as much as the Mercury, even though it’s a much smaller institution.

Many thanks to both of you and also to Kaitlyn for your support in this endeavor and for the KIDS Program in general.

Warmly,
Genie

Genie Dee

Organizational Giving Manager

Pathways Hospice Foundation

Kaitlyn – Reading the Santa Clara Weekly

http://www.mercurynews.com/top-stories/ci_13871926

article by Patty Fisher

video by Pauline Lubens

Way before I was pregnant,
he boldly stated that he would love his child in any condition,
under any circumstance.
Meaning, he would never give up on his baby
no matter what kind of physical condition he or she may have…
He continued, “Some healthy babies grow up to commit crimes
and get in trouble. As much as it will be difficult
to raise a physically or mentally challenged baby,
at least they will not be able to do bad things.”
After I heard his comment,
I was speechless…shocked…
I was not sure if I could say the same for myself…

The moment I told Matthew I was pregnant,
I can clearly remember how excited he was.
That day, he was the happiest man I had ever seen.
But soon after, we were devastated with the news of Ella’s trisomy 18.
Despite my constant struggle with it,
my husband never struggled, period!
Just as he told me many years ago,
his love for Ella did not change after learning of her condition.
In fact, his commitment to keeping Ella awed everyone we knew.
During the pregnancy,
he probably felt like the was the only one who was fighting for Ella..
Him and against the world…
He handled the tough moments amazingly…
It’s almost like he saved her.

Once Ella was born, he was overjoyed.
He was always happy to be with her.
To hold, feed, take care of her…
Each time he held her, his face beamed with happiness.
He proudly walked around church with Ella
(the one place we would take her out in public).
He took care of Ella like no one else.
He managed well despite of the lack of sleep,
stressful work days, checking the other kids’ homework,
and volunteering in Sunday school.

여보…
I felt like I have been away on a long journey and just returned.
It was difficult…Yet I gained priceless memories…
I thank God for allowing you to be a daddy to Ella for 183 days.
You did it amazingly and beautifully.
I can confidently say that  you were the greatest dad in the world…

I also wanted to thank you….

I have done great and not so great things in my life…
Yes, I struggled…but because of you
I have been able to cope with this hardship.
Even though bringing Ella into this world was
one of the most difficult decisions I had to face,
it was surely the proudest thing I have done…
Although I am unable to compliment myself openly,
when it comes to Ella, I can say with boldness that I am so proud of myself…
Thank you… You are the greatest dad I have ever known…

I thank God that you are here with me as my partner,
best friend, and guidance…

Ella only stayed with us for a little while in this world
but let us look forward to seeing Ella once again in heaven.
I love you..

I am so proud of you all.

Shannon,
you were like a second mom to Ella.
A nurturing and loving sister who was willing to do anything for Ella.
Thank you.

Micah,
you were like a second daddy to Ella.
You gave ALL your time to Ella.
Thank you.

Kaitlyn,
your sweet words and songs
always soothed Ella’s fussy moments.
Thank you.

Audrey,
your assistance in taking care of Ella was great;
bathing, changing diapers and clothes, or bringing necessary things.
Thank you.

You were my little heroes who graciously aided me in EVERYTHING.
To me, a hero is not one who saves the world or completes a mighty action,
but people like you, who make a difference in a small way and touching one’s life…
You do all things with your very best effort in any given circumstance..
I will always appreciate the time you spent with Ella…

When it came to Ella, you all took care of her without delay,
without excuse, without jealousy, and without challenge.
No, you all gladly did it with happy hearts for your little sister…
Without out your assistance,
I am not sure how I would have been able to take care of Ella…
All four of you selflessly gave up trips,
birthday parties, school activities, and numerous outings for Ella.
Though she could not speak,
I am sure she appreciated her wonderful siblings.

I know you guys miss Ella very much..
It ached to see you all standing at a funeral home once again;
after losing your dad  just six years before.
But just like I’ve said before,
we find comfort in the promise to unite again with dad, and now with Ella.
Such hope helped me get through my toughest moments.

My children,
Ella will always remain your heart no matter how many years pass by…
Whenever I think of Ella,
I will always remember how you dedicated yourself to her for the past 183 days.
Thank you, my children…my little heroes…

I love Shannon, Micah, Kaitlyn and Audrey very much.

We could not have done it without their love and support.
Although we have four other children,
Ella needed special attention and care.
Basic necessities were all we were able to manage.
We didn’t buy special cribs, or take family trips, or go out to eat.
All we could do was maintain a bare minimum.
The most important necessity that we needed were:

#1. Rides
Our kids needed a ride to and from school!
Four kids, three different schools,
at three different times: 7:30 AM, 8:00 AM, 8:30 AM.
Thankfully, my 75 year old dad,
offered to provide rides for our kids the moment school had started.
Despite his own failing health,
he diligently gave rides to our kids as a way of showing his love for Ella.
I cannot thank him enough for all the help he lent us.

At Grandpa’s birthday

#2. Food
Because I had been so preoccupied with taking care of Ella,
I was unable to invest time in cooking.
My sister, Misty,
willingly came to my house too cook and feed us–sometimes 5 times a week!
She left behind all her house chores and activities,
to help us out along with her three children.
She even took my kids out for meals with her kids–a total of 7 kids!

#3. Sleep
Matthew and I desperately needed sleep.
I get choked up when I think about Misty
coming to my house when I needed her the most.
I am the type of person who dislikes being an inconvenience to others.
But sleeping an average of four hours a day took a huge toll on my body.
Some days I hallucinated due to sleep deprivation.
In critical moments like that,
I knew I needed to call someone for help.
I could not think of anyone else but Misty to watch Ella.
Each time I called her, she would rush over to my house.
Without delay, without a single word.
All she would say was, “Okay, I will be there.”
She took care of Ella as if she was her own baby.
I always felt secure and at rest when she was watching Ella.
I don’t know how to repay her for her kindness…

Ella and Aunt Misty (KkoKko) : 10/27/09 – a  last picture together

They were a God-send to us.
With these selfless people, we, Matthew and I, were able to give our undivided attention to Ella.
She was born at a perfect time where many people could offer their help and be a part of her life.
Thank you, Dad and Misty.

Ella was blessed and loved.

As soon as I walk into the living room
I see Ella’s six dresses on the wall.

Just one week ago,
there were seven dresses on the wall.
One to wear to the (6 month) party, six as party decoration.
She  wore most of them for her monthly birthday parties
with the exception of two.
The blue dress and the brown kitty dress.
The blue dress was for her 6 month party
and the kitty dress was for her 7th month party.
We now have Ella’s six remaining dresses on the wall.
We picked the brown kitty dress for Ella to wear on her funeral.

These dresses were supposed to be
a part of  Ella’s Half Year party decoration (11/14).
Six dresses representing each month Ella lived.
Shannon and I pinned up all the dresses a week before Ella passed away.
We were planning to dress her up in the blue dress for her 6 month party.

All the party planning was completed on Thursday night.
We had invited over 4o people for this big celebration.
Food, party favors, decorations…all were already planned out…
Sadly, God had a different plan.
Ella went to heaven on Friday 4:43AM.

Instead of our half year party,
we had Ella’s funeral on Saturday.

Instead of her planned 6 month dress (blue),
we decided to send her off with the kitty dress.
The blue dress looked too cold.
Although the kitty dress was a bit big on her, she looked cute in it.
I am glad I bought that dress for Ella.

Every time I look at those dresses,
I think of Ella and how much I miss her.
I am not sure when we will be going to put them down for good…
Ella, I miss you…
especially during this time around 11 PM to 4:30 AM–my shift,
my special time with Ella.
My body is so used to stayed up this late…
How is heaven, Ella?

When she finished her bottle I was so excited and brought out another.
But then, she was done.
Perhaps she had consumed enough for the last burst of energy needed before her departure.

Today, as I a washed the last remaining bottles, my heart ached.
I don’t need to wash and sterilize her bottles anymore.

But I did today.
For one last time, as I remember my sweet Ella….

What do I do with these clean, sterilized bottles and nipples?

What do I do now?
Now I have too much time on my hands.
I spent more than twelve hours a day with Ella,
usually holding her on my shoulders…
Now my Ella is not here.
I no longer need to rush when I am outside doing errands.
No longer need to hold and pat her back.
No longer need to feed her.
No longer  need to change her diapers.
No longer need to sing and pray for her.
No longer need to sleep just four hours a day.
It feels weird.
More than anything, I miss Ella.
I miss her constant cries–it was a way to communicate to us that she was alive and well.
Even with four other kids, my house seems to be quiet and lifeless.
The emptiness and stillness drive me crazy…
But I must get used to this.

Taken on 11/12/09 with Micah oppa

Now, she’s just resting and worshiping God in eternity in joy.

I can’t imagine all the wonderful things that Ella is enjoying.
But I know that our good God is taking care of Ella far better than I could ever offer.

Still, the emptiness in my heart is a difficult one to fill.

Like her Korean name, the joy that she brought into my life is not one that can be replaced.

I’ve spent the past many months waking up early in the morning taking care of her.
Now, though I have no need to wake up at that hour…
my body wakes up on its own, longing to hold my precious Ella.

Christy and I have been writing on this website and still have many drafts unpublished from the time when she was with us.  The incomplete journal of our joy.

It’s been hard going back to those, but I will complete those to publish.
I started this website/blog in my attempt to share stories of Ella with my parents in Philly.
They used to call several times a day just to get updates.  This site has served its purpose well.

Now, I write to remember her.  Now it’s serving a different purpose.

Heaven Entrance Party from Matthew Cho on Vimeo.

At the funeral home

Pastor Joshua prayed once again before the departure.

One last time to say “Good bye ” to Ella.

Micah could not see her again…too painful for him…

On the way to Irvington Memorial Cemetery, Fremont, CA

Arrived

One last service for Ella.

After 1 hour, the cremation process was completed.

Ella’s remaining..ashes..

On our way to the Half Moon Bay.
Daddy tightly held onto the ash box the entire trip, not even one minute( even to a bathroom stop).

Arrived Half Moon Bay. It was beautiful.

We are ready…

Kaitlyn wrote this on the sand.

Distributing the ashes

Everyone received a small amount of Ella’s ashes.

On the way to shore to scatter the ashes.

Everyone had their chance to say goodbye, on their own…

Matthew and I scattered the last remains together.

When everything was over, the sun went down.

Everyone that came.

Our family sharing the moment.

In the car, on our way to leave.
The lighthouse flickered as we were about to departure.
What a beautiful way to say goodbye to Ella.

We will always remember when we come back to Half Moon Bay.

Ella, goodbye and we love you. We will come again.

Even with her uniquely shaped arms,
I could picture her swimming and having a blast.

Considering how much she enjoyed her bathing times,
it’s really not that difficult to imagine the kind of time she would’ve had out in the ocean.

This wish… however… remained as a wish…
at least while she was alive.

Her bulky oxygen tank,
long car ride to an ocean,
and many other obstacles obstructed the path.

But now, all those obstructions have no bind on Ella.

She’s free to swim, free to dance, free to sing
free from her trisomy, and most of all free from sin.

Christy and I decided to take Ella’s cremated ashes out to an ocean.

Under a beautiful sunset, there she was… swimming.

place

ALAMEDA FAMILY
funeral & cremation

12341 Saratoga-Sunnyvale Road, Saratoga, CA 95070

408.257.6262

funeralcremation.com

date/time

November 14, 2009 6:00 pm

please come and celebrate with us.